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Natural or hero, Derek caused me and others a lot of pain. His skills and our hero worship caused us to begin the ‘beating yourself up’ process. You know the; ‘I’m not good enough’. ‘If only I could do that’.’ I couldn’t possibly do that’. The self defeating traits of inadequacy, insecurity and worthlessness and constant comparison with others all started here. With Derek, we started the comparison programme. Comparison is just another name for subservience. When you compare yourself to someone you are really accepting that you are impressed by them, you want them to influence your life and are willingly bowing down to their perceived skills and abilities. The problem with subservience is that you can never be free. It takes away all your happiness and power. You end up confused and wilting like a flower. The fact is comparing yourself with others not only stops you from being successful, it’s destructive. As, Elizabeth Fisher an American author, stated; ‘comparison is a death knell to sibling harmony’. Suggesting that the minute you compare yourself with anybody the relationship is always going to be powerless. Because you are now in a subservient relationship. The truth is that only prices, products and stores can be compared. Not people. You can compare key data any product, price or service. So when you compare yourself with others are you a product, price or service? Remember those essays from school and university where you were always asked to compare and contrast something with the aim of showing the similarities and differences of an argument etc. But how do you do this with people? What is being compared or contrasted? How are people similar? Height, weight, age, the clothes they wear, walk, where they live, the cars they drive, their salary, their achievements, their views ? Do you compare yourself with others? Who do you compare yourself with? What are the attributes you compare? Are you comparing like with like? You can compare males and females and they way they perform tasks, parents against children, different age groups. You can compare how your opinions are similar or different. But the best you can get is that you are mostly similar or mostly different. What about jealousy? How do you measure that? You can compare products with different versions. But people? How do you compare yourself with your parents or grandparents? You could be like Shakespeare and compare yourself against nature i.e. beauty with day and night. But not compare one person against another. Comparing yourself with others is like putting yourself in a prison. A prison which can only bring pain. A prison that stops you from experiencing your true talents. No one puts you in this prison, you do it all by yourself. You simply learn, as I did, not to accept yourself and reject who you really are in favour for what you perceive another person has. In other words you give yourself a hard time and delay your own growth because you thought the other person was better than you. Trust yourself, you have all the skills you need to succeed. All you need is a change of process. Stop judging yourself. Instead of comparing yourself with others, subverting your own power and constantly under performing; focus on your potential. What you want to be. Meditate on where you want to be. Imagine yourself achieving your potential. What does it look like, what does it feel like. Surround yourself with images and artefacts depicting the future you and gradually, you will become what you always wanted to be. The more you believe in your capabilities the more your behaviour will change. Access the hidden skills you have. Trust in yourself. You have far more skills and abilities than you are using at present. If you have heroes then beware you could be taking away your skills, your individualism and making yourself subservient for the rest of your life. In which case who needs heroes? Graham and Julie www.desktop-meditation.com.
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Advice Home Business Technology Online Advertising Motivational Internet Marketing SEO Help Online Games Science Articles Happiness More Articles:1. Philosophical Underpinnings Awakening one self is discovering of the hidden force in ones self. The problem with ones image is that someone else view of way one thinks of ones self is not the way most people fell about them self. People let other people dictate how ones fell about them self's. That why people don't do the things that they know they can do . People do the things that will benefit the other person not yourself. That the reason that I am writing this article to show people that you can do any thing that you… 2. Over 50 and Looking for Work? Please consider this article for your website or ezine. Permission to reprint if byline stays intact. Courtesy copy appreciated.TITLE: Over 50 and Looking for Work? AUTHOR: Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachWORD COUNT: 685WRAP: 65URL: http://www.susandunn.ccMailto:sdunn@susandunn.ccPhoto available: http://www.susandunn.cc/images/susaninstripe1.JPG“Over 50 and Looking for Work?”by Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachAs a midlife transition career coach, I often encounter… 3. Be A Man! Create! General George S. Patton and John Quincy Adams were poets. Churchill was a painter. Karol Wojtyla, the Polish priest who became Pope John Paul II, was, in his younger days, a playwright, director and stage actor, as was Vaclav Havel. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the German priest who just became Pope Benedict XVI plays classical piano and is (like Karl Barth) a Mozart aficionado. Jefferson designed Monticello. Secretary of State Dean Acheson was an accomplished woodworker. The young Theodore Roos… 4. SPEAK UP! Ever been in a meeting with something important to say and remained silent?You may have felt the flush of the good idea and the rising adrenalin. Youmay have moved to the front of your seat and readied your body tospeak...and then didn't. What stopped you?Certainly there is wisdom in knowing when to speak and when not to. Knowingthe politics of a situation or the time constraints, you may choose not tospeak. Often, though, you may have a unique view, perspective, issue orconcern that needs to be… |