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The other day an acquaintance of mine told me he was angry. Out of the blue? We were sitting round the table, engaging in small talk. I asked him what the cause of his anger. He replied it was something related to his brother's behavior. His main concern though was how he could get rid of his anger. The short conversation that ensued highlighted some interesting issues about ... Briefly, this is how it went: Me: 'So, you have a problem with your brother's behavior?' Him: 'Yes, I do. And he makes me mad, very mad.' Me: 'Does your brother make you mad? Or you choose to be mad because of your brother's behavior?' You see, it all comes down to one word. That one word is 'choice'. What we choose, when something happens. You may be aware of it, but there are moments everyday when you have to make choices. Those moments are crucial because minute though they may be, the choices that we make during them are life-changing. An event happens. For some reasons your response is required. At that moment you make a choice about the kind of response that you deem appropriate. So, based on your interpretation of what has happened, you choose any one of your 'best behavior demanded by this situation'. And, if you were my acquaintance you would be angry. But why? Really, why? The event, whatever it is, is just an event. What is important in the whole equation is your choice. You might not have been responsible for the event/situation, but for as long as you live, you are responsible for your response. Sometimes the event is an extremely bad one. The kind we call bad luck, very unfortunate! When this kind of situation occurs to you, you ask yourself: 'Why me, why not my cat or neighbor?' Even here I am maintaining that no matter the event/situation, you are ultimately responsible for your responses. Taking responsibility for your responses is one of the first steps in owning your life. When you own your responses you dictate the terms of your success, and of your way forward. I often say that there is nothing in this world that can make me mad, angry or sad without my consent. It is my life. Oh, I hear you saying that you have heard this kind of thing so often. Let me add the subtle twist I promised. And you listen carefully henceforth. In every behavior there is a positive intention. And in every of your reaction/response to whatever situation confronts you there is something we will call 'secondary gains'. I am going to be slow here, because I need us to be reading on the same page. When somebody does something to you, they may be annoying to you. But, what is the positive intention of their behavior? What purpose is that behavior serving? From their point of view? You may find that they are trying to protect themselves or preserve a particular status quo. Or that they are trying to get something. Maybe your attention or some peace of mind. You might be irritating them. When your respond to their behavior (in whatever way) you are thinking of how their behavior benefits you or how it does not benefit you. So, your behavior (which I maintain is not caused by them) might also be a way of protecting yourself from some 'perceived danger or intrusion'. And all time you are thinking of your own benefits in the unfolding drama. What am I asking to make of all this. Respond to all situations in a way that acknowledges the positive intention as well as your own secondary gains. If the two (situation's positive intention and your 'secondary gains') are in conflict, adopt an attitude of 'it's not so much what happens to me that matters. It is how I deal with the experience that matters'. Don't let the snake make you do anything!
Have you had a problem with absentmindedness or forgetfulness lately? Maybe you find yourself searching through your thoughts more often than you do your sock drawer! Before we determine if you need a little mental “touch up,” ask yourself the following questions: Have you had a recent loss, such as the loss of a loved [...] Two Magic Words for Overcoming Absentmindedness and Forgetfulness is a post from: The Mind and the Brain Related posts:
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Advice Home Business Technology Online Advertising Motivational Internet Marketing SEO Help Online Games Science Articles Happiness More Articles:1. Journals You Can Keep Journals You Can KeepBy Doreene Clement www.the5yearjournal.com info@the5yearjournal.com Besides your daily feelings, thoughts, and experiences journal, diary or diaries, there are many ideas for journals that you can keep, some are suggested below. Buy a blank book or a notebook with a particular journal topic in mind and keep this book for only that topic. You may decide to keep several kinds of journals at the same time, so remember that you do not have to journal every day.1. Family Journal … 2. Four Voices Copyright 2005 Daniel N BrownThe Bible tells us that we must be led by the Holy Spirit. Since there are always four voices we hear speaking to us at any given time, we must learn to distinguish each one so that we are able to do the right things. 1. The most obvious voice is our own and it speaks to us in a variety of ways. It is always telling us what we want, what we think, and what we feel. The Bible refers to our mind, will, and emotions as our 'flesh nature.' 2. Another voice that clamors f… 3. The Snake Made Me Do It The snake made me do it! Really? You have heard it before, haven't you? This one is 'the snake made me do it story' with a subtle twist. You will want to hear it, believe me!The other day an acquaintance of mine told me he was angry. Out of the blue?We were sitting round the table, engaging in small talk. I asked him what the cause of his anger. He replied it was something related to his brother's behavior. His main concern though was how he could get rid of his anger.The short conversation that… 4. Goal setting makes a difference ***** Drifting? Set your goals, make your plan and make a difference! *****Why not really make a difference? What is the difference between those that achieve and those who are not getting the success they hoped they'd get? GOAL SETTING...It is clear that Goal Setting is extremely important for achievement! If you don't know where you want to get to how will you find the way? Successful people don't think it, they do it! Action is the key. Are you one of the 10% who Plans, and does the right st… |